a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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