THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
