the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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