my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
