..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
