i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
