let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
