In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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