I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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