My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
