Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize