I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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