Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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