Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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