why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
