There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
