i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
