somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
People in love make me want to vomit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this boner is exhausting
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
