textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
