PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
