Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
