one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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