I wish I could teleport
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
