i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
