whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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