these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
