worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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