Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
