not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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