Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
