thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
