i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
