found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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