I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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