Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
