just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there is glitter all over my balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
