Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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