I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
