I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
