Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
