Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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