im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
