we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
