Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
