She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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