All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
