Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
