i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize