i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
