i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize