Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
