He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
