just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
