In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
