sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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