a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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