You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
