maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize