So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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