I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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