Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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