whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
