So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
