Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
