Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
