____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize