im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize