I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
