im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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