I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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