Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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