All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
